Past Present (partially inspired by "Miserable at Best" by Mayday Parade)

Present

"I got the point that I should leave you alone, but we both know I'm not that strong"

-Jason Lancaster (Mayday Parade, "Miserable at Best")

It's not that. It's protection.

I'm not that strong.

I scroll old messages, find funny punchlines, crimes, and your hands.

and that's what aches.

Each message reopens the cut.
The fact that we never held hands.
The fact we never had a plan,
The fact we never said forever,
But never said: never.

In ways I can't even explain,
I'm conflicted inside,
Yet every time, I find myself
for next to you, i could die

We are a musical piece;
A symphony we write,
and maybe we're both guilty,
of not giving this any time.
We could be words that rhyme.

I don't think we've found ourselves
Quite enough yet to find each other,
Not as much as I try to find a self,
I won't find another.

Past

We kept feeding delusion,

Like a pet that we had kept

and regardless of what's said

In lines, poetry or not,
We could be words that rhyme

Friday afternoon, Delusion died.

It wasn't you.

It was me.

Ever since "nevercease".

I started to wonder what to say,

and realized it shouldn't be that way.

I do but don't want to be,

the reason you feel Gray.

in the same way I feel your color.

I felt haunted, like our graveyard,

the one in the dream.

But from that we're very far,

take for example seas.

I grew resentment, and anger when you texted

and felt no interest.

You read like the midsummer warmth,

and I read like the aftermath of a storm.

It hit me when I saw it again.

The word. The one that made me fly.

Three syllables and a smile,

that stayed internally for awhile.

I still love you and it won't ever cease.

Present

I could read you in anything,

and my heart would skip.

Like what I wish to do,

when we're past present,

and I ask,

"could we skip to the good part?"

Miserable at best?

Maybe being miserable isn't too bad,

if it protects my heart.

but then again, that might never die

regardless of distance,

regardless of time,

regardless of if the haunting stops,

so maybe,

talk soon?